Starcrossed, You and I
by anerdwhowantstowrite
Summary: I do not own Star Wars or any of the associated characters. This is a cannon divergence wherein Ben lives. He had made the choice to join the Darkness, and had done unspeakable things. But now, he'd once again chosen the Light, and he's not sure how he will deal with paying for his sins.
1. Chapter 1

**...**_**Ben**_**…**

He couldn't help but smile. Who could, especially if they'd seen her smile like she was then. He'd been able to save her, and perhaps been redeemed from ever harming her in the first place. He'd fallen in love with her, and he couldn't believe that they were able to have this moment in light of all that had just happened. Then she said it...

"Ben," she breathed; he felt such peace wash over him. His name. Ben. Ben Solo, Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. Nephew of Luke Skywalker. Grandson of Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.

"Ben," he replied quietly. He soaked in her smile and vowed to commit it to memory. He laughed, a genuine laugh, and suddenly caught a movement over her shoulder; he could barely contain his gasp. Before him he saw them. All of them. The Jedi who'd gone before them, his fellow padawans from Luke's failed academy, those killed in the Jedi purge by his Grandfather, and some other people he'd never seen but had likely heard of. He was in awe. For years he'd begged his grandfather to show himself as Vader to him. To tell him what to do, to guide him. But today, as he stepped back into the light, finally free of the tormenting whispers in his ear telling him he'd been forgotten and would always be alone, he saw them.

"What do you see?" He looked back to Rey in that moment and knew she'd seen them too.

He smiled and searched the crowd for familiar faces, "Hope," he replied. He didn't know how he'd face the galaxy after all he'd done. Even if Rey would stand beside him, he'd have to be tried as a war criminal and likely the Galaxy would demand his death. But somehow seeing all the Jedi who'd ever lived gave him hope that perhaps he would find a way.

**...**_**meanwhile**_**...**

When he realized that the battle was finally won, Poe knew he needed to find his StormTrooper. Reciprocated feelings be damned. He had to tell Finn the truth. "Finn, did you make it to the Falcon?" He waited a moment a heard no reply. "Finn! Do you copy?" He felt panic rising in his gut.

"I'm here Poe. General Calrissian...Lando really saved our butts. But thanks for giving us the time to really make a difference." Poe sighed in relief and tried to find the Falcon in the crazy amount of ships that had come to Exegol after hearing the desperate call of the Rebellion.

"Ghost to Falcon, did you pick up a few spare Crew or is that just the age catching up with the old girl?" Poe had to laugh at General Syndulla for that one. She was always trying to prove that the Ghost was the superior craft to the Falcon. But his relief would not last. Once he realized that Rey had saved Kylo Ren from the ruins on Exegol he felt a rage well up within him that he hadn't felt in a long time.

**...**_**back in known space**_**...**

"Ben!" He heard his name from behind him, but if he wanted to see her, unfortunately he'd have to wait until the small fractured pieces of the New Republic decided his fate. He wanted to turn around so badly, but he knew that his escort would not be pleased if he did. He felt that he deserved their anger and resentment. He'd been a willing pawn. He complied with every demand that he'd been issued. He did everything willingly, to the point of Patricide. It didn't matter that those were Kylo Ren's mistakes. Ben Solo would have to pay the price for them. He desperately pleaded with the Force that he could make it out of this alive, but he knew that if the survivors of this war demanded his head he'd willingly give it.

Suddenly his escort stopped and he followed suit. He didn't dare ask what was happening, he'd maintained the silence he'd adopted when he'd seen the Falcon up close for the first time in about a decade or more. He couldn't bear to think that Han Solo would never fly her again. Chewbacca almost didn't let Rey bring him aboard, and he would have remained an exile on Exegol as long as they wanted if he never had to feel the fury of Chewbacca ever again.

"What seems to be the trouble, gentlemen?" It was the pilot, Dameron, the one he'd captured on Jakku. He hadn't expected to see him ever again. And yet, he was glad the plucky pilot had survived everything they'd all gone through the last several years.

"General, we're escorting this prisoner to a temporary holding area. We haven't got any cells but we've been assured of his cooperation." The man who'd been escorting him hesitated. "Though, to be honest, Sir, we're a bit skeptical of the follow through on those assurances." He didn't know the name of this member of his Mother's Resistance. But he'd been on board when Rey had finally convinced Chewbacca to allow him into the cargo hold. On the way down the familiar path, they'd run into this man. He'd been angry, like Chewy, but in a different way. Ben knew that there would be so many more who were furious, like Chewy, and like this man. But Rey was determined to keep his spirits up. She had apparently been enough of a guard that once Rey had helped him get settled in a seat, the man had left them alone. They'd talked, sat silently, reveled in the strength of the bond the Force had given them, and they'd done a fair amount of kissing as well. He smiled at the memory, and cherished the fact that even though they were apart physically, she was there making sure that he knew that he was loved and supported no matter what. But then the Pilot began to speak and shook him from his contemplation.

"Be sure to give him food and water. We don't want him passing out from loss of blood. And make sure the medic sees him as soon as they can spare someone. His leg looks pretty bad." In fact, Ben's left leg had been broken in the fall Palpatine was surely hoping killed him. He'd needed Rey to support him to the ships, but now he'd been given crutches to help him hobble along.

"Thank you, Poe, I know I don't deserve to be treated so fairly." Ben watched as Poe struggled to compose himself, but wished he'd just get angry at him. It would be far easier to deal with the anger than this kindness.

Poe did eventually give a small cough and said, "Rey said I should call you, 'Ben' now, but it's going to take a lot of proof on your part if you want the rest of the Galaxy to forgive you like she has. Maybe she hasn't had you digging in her brain, but it's going to be really hard for most of us to ever trust you. You have to know that." Poe looked at his feet as he spoke but by the end of his statements, he did manage to look Ben in the eye. He could feel Poe's self control slipping as he recalled how forceful he'd been when extracting the location of the map from the pilot's memories. Ben hung his head and took his seat as gingerly as he could.

"Thank you for not calling me Kylo Ren. That's more than I'd have ever expected from you." He looked at Poe now, genuine tears streaming down his face; he wasn't sure if he could truly forgive himself for all the things he'd done. From abandoning his Uncle to the wrath of Snoke to murdering his own Father in cold blood, he'd been evil. But he continued, "I will do everything asked of me and I won't do anything without your or Rey's express permission. I don't think I'll be worthy of the Galaxy's forgiveness, but I'm going to try to at least seek it from those who knew my mother in the years I'd abandoned her for the Dark Side of the Force and the false strength that drew me to it." He'd meant every word, and hoped that Poe would at least believe that he wouldn't cause trouble while he was there.

**...**_**elsewhere**_**...**

"Finn, you don't understand! He is the only reason that I'm still standing! He was thrown into a pit and left for dead but he climbed out and hobbled on his broken leg to get to me and make sure that I was going to live!" But she could see that her friend was only able to see Kylo Ren. Finn couldn't see her Ben. She wondered if he knew just how much Ben had gone through since they'd seen him on Endor. "Finn," he'd turned away from her so as to try and make a point. But she needed him to be on her side, to understand. "Finn, I've fallen in love with him." Love. Something she'd longed for all her life. She'd finally found it in a man who'd been hell bent on destroying her the first time they met. It wasn't that she didn't realize just how insane that sounded, but she knew by now that the Force worked in ways that didn't always make sense. Finn turned around at that, and seemed furious.

"Rey! This is crazy! How could you, the last of the Jedi, the one to finally end this war, be in _love_ with that- that Monster?!" He threw the words into the air and demanded that she give him an explanation. "Surely he's working some kind of Dark Side plot on you! He's manipulating you and trying to get you to fall to the Dark Side with him! Rey! Don't let him lure you down the path that killed Han Solo!" Rey was taken aback by the harshness of Finn's words, and wondered if anyone would ever really be able to see Ben when he'd hurt them all so much as Kylo Ren.

"I'll never join the Dark Side, Finn, never." She looked away from him to center herself. When she looked back, he had the good sense to seem sorry for what he'd said. But it still hurt. "I was tempted but I was able to resist. But Ben was the only thing that kept me from falling to the Dark. He watched as the life went out of me, and he took it upon himself to give me the life force from himself. He died too, Finn. But do you know what saved him? It wasn't me. I was too weak to do anything but smile and say his name."

She conveniently left out the fact that she'd kissed him and the resulting smile that spread across a face that had known far too few. "No, it wasn't me who saved him, Finn. It was her, Leia. With her dying breath, she gave the Force her life for his. She was able to see her Ben, her only son, her only child, one last time through the Force. It was the most beautiful and tragic thing I'd ever seen." She let the tears flow now as she'd finally lost her battle with them as she realized that she didn't want to fight with Finn anymore; she just wanted him to see Ben the way she did. And she just didn't know how.

Before finishing her point, she searched through the Force to find where they'd taken Ben and make sure he was doing okay. When she felt just how broken he was over his mother's sacrifice, one he felt she should never have made, she let her tears finally flow.

"Oh, Ben."


	2. Chapter 2

**...**_**Ben...**_

As he tried to hold in the wince as the medic tended to his broken leg, he felt Rey searching for him through their shared Force Bond. He was tempted to shy away because the conversation with Poe had left him raw. He didn't want her to feel all the guilt he had swirling around him. He looked up and saw her crying and knew it was because she'd felt just how horrible he felt for all the things he'd done as Kylo Ren. He wanted so badly to atone for his mistakes, but he knew that some mistakes couldn't be fixed. Both of his parents were dead. His father by his own hand. He didn't want the medic to freak out, so he remained silent, but kept his eyes on Rey. She was in a different area of the Resistance Base, but he didn't need to see where she was. All he needed to see was her. He felt better knowing that she wasn't turning away from him, but he knew she would never do that unless he fell back to the Dark Side. But that was something he would never do.

"Well, sir," he jumped and turned to the woman treating his leg, "Sorry hun, I didn't mean to scare you." She gave him a timid smile, "I just wanted to let you know that this will probably take a few weeks to heal, unless you can do that yourself with the Force. I asked Leia about it once and I think that's something you Force users are supposed to be able to do, right?"

At the mention of his mother, Ben looked away from her and back to Rey. She was still crying softly but instead of seeing her within their bond she'd crossed the compound to come to him in person. "Oh, Rey!" The medic greeted her, "Come to make sure our prisoner doesn't make any foolhardy escape?"

Rey laughed and replied, "No, Metz, he's not going to do that. I came because I could feel he needed me." She looked into his eyes then, "I'll always come when you need me." She took his hand and the medic was forgotten. There was only himself and Rey. She hadn't had a chance to get cleaned up since they'd returned to the Base but he thought she could never look more beautiful than she did at that moment.

"Thank you, Rey. I'll do my best to remember that." He looked down at his leg in shame for a moment before returning his gaze to hers. "I haven't had anyone but myself to count on in such a long time that it's sure to be hard to get used to." He looked to the floor shamed by his past yet again. But he made an effort to steel his resolve and looked back up into her beautiful eyes. She had a few tears that were running down her face and he could feel how desperately she wanted to take his pain and hopelessness away. To that end he added, "I will do everything I need to do for as many people as I can so that the name Kylo Ren is forgotten and Ben Solo can have a second chance at life free of the Dark Side. I will learn to trust in others again." He paused not knowing if he should say more, but the strength he felt in this moment was too much to ignore. He needed to say the words, "And I'll learn how to love again as well. I know what I want love to be, but I need to remember what it truly means to love someone." He didn't let his gaze leave Rey's until he'd finished. He wanted to be brave, he wanted to be strong.

He wanted to be Ben.

..._**Rey**_...

She'd turned to Finn and apologized, but he walked away before she'd explained where she was going. After feeling Ben's guilt and knowing that he couldn't come to her without starting the war back up right where it left off, she needed to go to him. More than that though, she wanted to go to him. So when she heard him saying he'd learn what love truly was she knew that he would learn what love was and that she would learn right alongside him. She knew that she would always stand beside him and they would face the future together. They were bonded in such a way that they could never be truly apart ever again.

"So long as I can learn about love with you." She smiled, ''Because other than the friendships I've made here I don't think I really, truly know what love is either." He returned her smile hesitantly. It was such a beautiful thing, his smile. She had seen a lot of smiles, but no one smiled like Ben. She heard coughing, and realized that they'd completely forgotten that Metz was there still, as she had been tending to Ben's leg. "Sorry, Metz. I forgot you were still here. But I'm glad you got to see him this way. More people need to know just how much guilt he's carrying for everything he did. He's not Kylo Ren anymore, Metz. He really is Leia's Ben."

She watched as Metz thought about what she'd said, and was glad for the small smile the medic gave her in return.

"Rey, for Leia's sake, I want to believe it. I want to believe it so badly. He's been nothing but cooperative since I was brought in to treat him, and he was so polite when he answered my questions about his injuries," Metz looked at Ben now, "If you really have left Kylo Ren in the Darkness like he deserved, and have fully come back to the Light, then I'll be of the first to vouch for you when people eventually try to hang you for everything you did. But mark my words, if you so much as make Rey cry over a single little thing, I'll have you shipped out of here so fast that you won't know which way is up."

Her last statement was enunciated by Metz waving a finger in Ben's appropriately blushing face. He cleared his throat and thanked Metz for her willingness to believe in his return to the Light. For the first time since Exegol, Rey could feel the hope within him and felt some of that hope herself. If someone who'd loved Leia as much as Metz could forgive him, surely there would be others who'd be willing to see his change and accept it as well.

**...**_**Finn**_**...**

Finn was angry. Angrier than he'd ever been. She loved Ren? How was that even possible? No one could love him! He'd murdered countless innocents, he'd killed his own Father! He was evil! Wasn't he? Wasn't he the one whom they'd been fighting this whole time along with the First Order? Wasn't it his lightsaber that pierced the heart of Han Solo? The one who would have killed the entire Resistance, his Mother included, if it hadn't been for Luke Skywalker, his Uncle? Finn continued in this line of thinking as he walked away from Rey and towards a different part of the base.

He needed to think. He had to process what was happening with Rey and Kylo Ren. Rey kept calling him, "Ben," as if that monster deserved to be recognized as the son of Han and Leia. His angry walk led him into the forest, where Leia had taken Rey to do training. He sat and remembered coming to watch hoping that neither would catch him. He loved watching Rey use the Force. She was a natural, as Leia kept saying. He also remembered the day that Leia and Rey began to meditate and he'd sat on the ground and closed his eyes and listened intently.

_"Listen to the sounds around you, Rey. Allow them to penetrate you. Hear the birds in the trees, the ants on the ground, each creature that lives and breathes. Now, listen to the Planet. The whole of this world breathes just as the creatures and beings that call it home, just in a different way. Now, can you feel the thread of light just beyond the sounds of the Planet? Look closely." _

_After a beat, Rey gasped, and Finn did as well. He could feel everything Leia was talking about. The animals, the grass, the Planet, and that small thread of Light. It was calling to him, and he reached out for it. It reached back and he could feel just how lost Rey felt after losing Luke. How tired and despairing Leia felt over the loss of her husband and son. But he also felt the hope that the two carried and that is what he held onto._

As he walked through the memory, he held out his hand as he'd seen Rey do countless times. He reached within himself and towards the small boulder that was across the dirt path he'd followed to get here. At first, the boulder was resistant to his call, but once he allowed himself to let go of the anger he'd been building up, he felt the boulder lift from the ground. When he opened his eyes, he watched in awe as the confirmation of what he thought he knew floated back down to the ground at his direction. He could use the Force. He could become a Jedi. He'd wanted to tell Rey that she wasn't alone. That he too could feel the Force. But he'd never known when to say something. When he thought they were going to die, he'd said that there was something he wanted her to know. He'd only have one more chance to tell her. But it was too late. Then, they were alive and she was able to heal the cave worm and he didn't need to tell her anymore. But he'd wanted to. The mission was too important, though. He would have to wait.

But now? He'd been so angry with her when, truly, he was only mad at Kylo Ren. The man she claimed to love. Could Ben Solo still be redeemed? Could Leia's dying wish become a reality? He wanted to have hope that the Galaxy could move on now that the Resistance had won. They'd been freed from the tyranny of the First Order. No other children would be taken from their families and turned into killers. There could be peace. But was there hope for the son of Han and Leia?

Finn turned to walk back towards the base but stopped dead in his tracks. There stood Poe, mouth agape in awe. "So, I'm guessing you saw all of that, right?"

**...**_**Poe**_**...**

"So I'm guessing you saw all that, right?"

Poe wasn't even sure that he comprehended what Finn had just said. But his mind was trying to also process that he'd seen the former StormTrooper just levitate a boulder off the ground!

Once he finally found his voice he exclaimed, "Saw that? What, only you lifting a freaking rock with your mind? Yea I saw that you crazy Jedi you! Come here!" And at that he pulled Finn into a hug and dared himself to be the last one to let go. Why did telling Finn how he felt just keep getting harder. Once Finn began to pull back though, he looked Finn in the eye and said, "Finn I'm so happy for you! This is amazing! Have you told Rey?"

Finn's expression, which had gone from embarrassment to elation had fallen and he looked so conflicted. "I tried to, several times. But I never felt like there was that right time or whatever." Finn paused and looked up at him, and Poe could feel his cheeks getting red the longer they held the gaze. "Poe, I don't know how I feel about her saving him."

Well, that was a bombshell he wasn't expecting. "I can't say I know exactly how to feel about it either, Finn. She didn't tell anyone he was even there and when I saw him get off the ship..." Poe had to pause a moment. This is not what he was expecting to talk to Finn about and now he was getting angry again.

Before he could pick up his thought, Finn interrupted, "I'm so sorry Poe. I didn't mean to make you angry. I know that you can't be the only one trying to restrain themselves from punching him in the face on principal." Finn tried to turn away, but Poe held a hand on his shoulder and gently turned Finn back to face him.

"You don't have to be sorry, it's not you that's made me angry. He broke my mind, Finn. I know you know what that's like. You were brainwashed by the First Order ever since you were a kid. Seeing you use the Force though, it makes sense why you were one of the first to ever defect. The woman on Endor, she said she and her companions were former StormTroopers too, right? Maybe they all can use the Force!" Now he was really going off on a tangent.

"My point is, Finn, you don't have to be sorry, because you're not at fault. And you could never make me angry." He flashed his 'signature' smile and gave him a light bump on the shoulder and was glad that Finn chuckled. He hated to see his friend so down. Finn asked if he'd been coming out to the forest for a reason and Poe wasn't sure if he wanted to open that can of worms or not, but he'd promised himself that he'd finally talk to Finn because he was miserable keeping his feelings to himself. He also knew that if Finn didn't reciprocate he'd be crushed, but would never hold it against him. Poe would just have to get over him, and find someone else.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I was looking for you since we all got back. I had to help a few people first and I made sure that our prisoner wasn't being treated like a POW but then I saw you walking this way and tried to follow. I got lost once too, but I found you. And I wanted to talk to you about something."

Poe mentally facepalmed. He was never this nervous! Finn looked so confused too. He'd probably never really had a chance to date or anything similar in the First Order. "Sorry. My thoughts kinda ran away from me there." Poe took a breath and looked Finn in the eyes.

"Finn, since the day I met you I've known that we'd be friends for a lifetime. I've never met anyone like you. You defected from the First Order on a whim, and if that doesn't make you a hero, then staying and fighting, especially after Rose caught you trying to run away definitely does! You are a good man, and you never even had anyone to show you how to do that. I never have to wonder if I'm going to get shot from behind, because I know you've got my back."

Finn still had a puzzled look on his face, but Poe had made it this far. He couldn't stop now. "Finn I've come to care for you more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you, and I know you haven't really had any experience with that, so know that I'll be ok if you don't feel that way too. I can definitely still be your best friend if you don't feel that way about me. I know you probably never had any experiences with men loving other men, but just so you know, it's not something bad or wrong. Some people will ignore me, but that's nothing compared to what some people I know have been through." Poe felt like he was starting to spiral again and resolved to get this over with, "I'm sorry if I took you completely off guard or stepped way out of line or something. I just really needed to let you know how I felt because it was something I almost never got to tell you." With that, Poe smiled at Finn and waved at him to show him the way back to base. Finn smiled back, but seemed unsure of himself.

"Thanks for telling me, Poe," he said as they made their way back, "I'm not sure I can really give you a response yet. You're right, I've never seen men love other men. It'll take me some time to kinda process, but I want you to know that I'm still going to have your back. It might be something I have to discover about myself, but I'm not upset you told me. It's really flattering, actually."

He laughed then, and Poe knew that no matter what, he'd still love this former StormTrooper because, well, how could he not?


	3. Chapter 3

**...**_**Finn**_**…**

After he found a semi-private spot to sit and contemplate, he found himself closing his eyes and taking deep, calming breaths. He knew that meditation was supposed to be helpful for those who could connect with the Force, but he wasn't sure he was ready to just give in to this mystical essence of the Galaxy, even if he'd seen with his own eyes that he was capable of using it and bending it to his will. Just because he _could_ didn't mean that he should.

After a few silent moments, he felt something strange. It wasn't something he feared, but it was soft and something he felt needed to be protected. He felt himself reaching for this, whatever it was, and he had the strangest sensation come over him: _guilt, despair, remorse, anguish_. All of these emotions began to overcome him and he did all he could to run away from them.

All at once, he opened his eyes and gasped for air. Those emotions had been coming from _him_, the prisoner. The one who'd killed without hesitation for as long as Finn had known him. The one who lured his own Father into a trap, that once sprung, ended with his Father's demise. How could that man, the one who plagued Poe's nightmares, the one Finn feared for so long, how could he be feeling all of those things? He was evil...right? Evil didn't feel remorse! Evil didn't know anguish! Did _he_ truly feel the losses _he'd_ caused? Did _he_ truly know the toll _his_ actions had taken on the Galaxy?

Finn closed his eyes again, and this time, he focused only on his breathing and simply listened to the planet's ebb and flow of energy and life. He focused so hard on it, that eventually, he felt as if he were a part of it. Finn stayed in that semi-private place for hours, just existing, watching the web of energy within all the living beings of the planet. He was so at peace, that he didn't notice when Rey came and sat next to him, and mimicked his position and joined herself with him in the Force.

**...**_**Poe**_**…**

Poe watched as Finn stood and asked them to leave him be. Presumably, Finn was going to go think about things and Poe knew they'd eventually talk.

He looked to Rey and sighed. He knew they needed to get this talk out of the way, so they could get past this and move on so they could be there for Finn.

"Look," he began, "I know I've been a hard sell on this whole thing. Letting _him_ walk around and all." Rey gave him her attention, but he could tell she didn't really _want_ to talk. "I'm only worried about my people. I know, you're worried about _him_ but did you think about what these people have been through as a result of what _he_ chose to do? I know a lot of them will probably find it in themselves to see the good that _he_ claims to be, but some will refuse on principle. _He_ may have changed, I reserve the right to hold out my judgment on that, but there will be so many people unwilling to believe it, that idk if it'll be good for him to stay here while we figure out how to rebuild a Galaxy he helped destroy."

Rey seemed defeated as he finished his piece. He didn't believe everything was over, Kylo Ren didn't come to be in a single day, but he also really wanted his childhood friend back. He held fondly to the memories of growing up with Leia's son. They'd been inseparable, the best of friends. Poe had helped _him_ come to terms with being a Force user, and through everything, he'd been the only one to not actually be afraid of..._Ben. _

He'd thought of hisname for the first time and even in reference to_ him_. _Ben_ had been his friend, his brother. Ben had been there when Poe lost his mom. Ben had been there when he realized he just didn't like girls the way he liked other boys. Ben had been the only one their age to see past his romantic preference and not judge him for it. Ben had said that, "If a Twil'ek can fall in love with a human and the two of them make babies with no social repercussions, then no one should bat an eye if a male preferred the company of another male of his own species." Poe had laughed through the tears when Ben told him that. Looking back, Ben was why he'd been able to be so open with his feelings on love and such. He'd had someone to stick up for him no matter what, and even when things went south, Ben had always been there to pull Poe out of the funk he'd let himself get into and tell him to brush it off and try again.

With all this going through his head, he didn't even notice that Rey had left him alone at the table. He shook off his thoughts and went to find Finn. He wanted to make sure that the decision they'd all come to wasn't going to make Finn feel trapped with someone who he used to fear.


End file.
